2005-05-01 13:00:02 UTC
Perhaps you did not mean what you wrote. But below your post and your question, I have posted YOUR statement. Hope that will answer your query.
You have cleverly mangled my post and made "ghodshem" of it, just as you accuse others of doing the same to your posts.
Please point out the following in my post:
Where did I BLAME the church for annulling marriages?
Your prior post:
+++ I concede it could be unfortunate for "the kids" but tell us what
is "wrong" with being divorced. And don't preach from a moral pulpit!! This is the 21st century!! Be practical !! The Catholic Church itself has annulled thousands of
Please read your own writing......Can I assume, from what you wrote, that you
deduced that I blamed the church for annulling marriages?? If so, FYI, I did
not......Please read once again what I wrote:
The above speaks for itself, unless I am misinterpreting your English. In that case my apologies.
Please tell us "What do you think of people who are divorced and whose
marriages are annulled (or not) by the church?" Do you consider them to be
beneath you because you have managed to stay in your marriage? Are such people less favorable in the eyes of God than those who have been blessed with not having to go through the pain of separation? Are they immoral because their
marriages have failed due to circumstances that only they can comprehend?
First Bosco, please take a deep breath, brother!
When I meet a divorced individual, and I meet a lot of them, I feel very sorry for them, disappointed and disillusioned. On behalf of the kids, I feel very angry at the situation. These divorcess are my friends, co-wrokers and colleagues
Perhaps it may be difficult for you and others to understand and accept how we can have these mixed, and some may say contradictory, feelings. But professionally we do this all the time.
A patient with lung cancer who has smoked 2 packs per day for 15 years and now at age 45 has a lung cancer. I treat him / her with kindness and respect. But that does not prevent me from being VERY disappointed with this guy or gal or the problem of smoking.
Other doctors and nurses do the same when they deal with patients with preventable illness (Aids, alcoholic cirrhosis) and unnecessarily complicated diseases (of diabetes, hypertension etc.)
As we treat lung cancer, we are also active with prevention and smoking cessation. But with divorces in the Goan community we are doing neither.
As in lung cancer, the time to save one's marriage is long before it gets to the (breaking) point. And this can happen at any time. A lot of Goans and others think after fifteen years of marriage and with kids, the marriage is safe. Wrong!!!
This month, I met a GOAN LADY living in the west, in her mid-fifties very educated. With tears she told me, "After five kids (last one preteen) and 25 years of married life we just went through a divorce." That is why Bosco and others, Goans have to talk about our culture and our moral values. And as a cafeteria Goan (or Catholic) not when it is too late to make the right choices.
The right choices (on cultural and moral values) should be done long before we badly need them to play their active roles. That is what WGD and social get-togethers should be talking instead of just scotch, feni, music and dancing.
Instead of talking about women-priests, the Goan priests and alleged pedophilia, etc. etc. we (married Goans) should talk and do something about the silent but significant and increasing problem of divorces in Diaspora Goan society and how to prevent them. And when it does occur, how can Diaspora Goan society help them and especially the children. This is what is being conveniently swept under the rug. Or should I say we keep looking the other way. Or should I say we do not want to talk about our own dirty laundry.
Remember as in lung cancer, PREVENTION is better than treatment or crying at the wake.
The above is my sermaum for today. I know you and others may not like or make sense of it today.. but perhaps tomorrow. If you respond to this post, please tell me if you have been closely affected by divorce. Is this a personal agenda that you are quibbling about? Just asking to get my bearings. I hope someone more knowledgeable and experienced on this subject can continue and moderate this thread.